PITCH
TO ME, YASCH SIEMENS
A PLAY
BY ARMIN WIEBE
TIME
Present
PLACE
Oata's farm, behind the barn
SET
A bare stage, lit to suggest twilight. A water
well with a long-handled hand pump and trough
if available. Necessary actions could be mimed.
ACTION
The action occurs during one summer evening just before dark.
CHARACTERS
YASCH Siemens
A farmer in his early twenties.
SADIE Peters
A skinny pregnant teenaged woman.
OATA Needarp
Yasch's abundant fiancee, early twenties.
YASCH DISCOVERED ON
YASCH is pumping water into the
trough.
OATA (OFFSTAGE DISTANT) Yasch!
Supper's ready!
YASCH stops pumping, and as he
looks over his shoulder toward the
voice pulls a handkerchief from his
pocket and wipes his brow. A baseball
glove is flung from offstage and slams
into YASCH'S neck.
YASCH (SPINNING AROUND) What
the dukkat?
ENTER SADIE
SADIE is wearing a catcher's mitt and
holding a baseball.
SADIE
Think fast!
SADIE hurls the ball at YASCH.
YASCH catches it in his bare hands.
YASCH
Sadie!
YASCH looks furtively over his
shoulder,
then looks back at SADIE.
YASCH
What you doing here?
SADIE
Happy to see me, Yasch?
YASCH checks over his shoulder
again.
SADIE steps closer to YASCH.
YASCH
Well, sure but...
YASCH takes a step backwards
as
SADIE steps forward. SADIE bends
awkwardly to pick up the baseball glove.
SADIE
Here, take the glove.
YASCH
No, it's yours now. I gave it to you, remember?
SADIE
Scared Oata will see us?
SADIE reaches out to caress YASCH's
cheek with his glove.
Huh Yasch?
YASCH
For sure not, but what will Pug think?
SADIE
He doesn't have to know everything, you know. Besides he went
out with Hingst.
YASCH
He went out with Hingst Heinrichs? Even now when he's married
himself with you?
SADIE
What you think married people just have to be together all the time?
YASCH
But you only got married last month.
SADIE
Yeah, and you didn't come even to the wedding. I thought for sure
you would want at least to kiss the bride.
SADIE turns away pretending to pout.
YASCH
I was busy. Some farmers can't afford to take Saturday off.
YASCH tosses the baseball at SADIE and
reaches for the pump handle. SADIE catches
the ball awkwardly between her catcher's mitt
and Yasch's glove.
SADIE
I bet Oata wouldn't let you go.
YASCH checks over his shoulder.
YASCH
Oata wanted to go to your wedding, but the farm comes first. Besides,
I gave you the glove for
a wedding present already.
SADIE
Some present for a blushing bride. Didn't even have a white ribbon
on it.
SADIE tosses the glove at YASCH before
he can resume pumping. YASCH catches the
glove and automatically
slips in his hand. SADIE
throws the ball at him.
SADIE
Pitch to me, Yasch Siemens.
SADIE backs up to the side of
the stage and
crouches in a catcher's position.
SADIE
Pitch to me like you used to when you worked for my dad.
YASCH
Well maybe a few easy ones.
YASCH tosses a gentle underhand
pitch which
falls short and SADIE almost loses her balance
as she reaches for it. SADIE fires the ball back
so it smacks the leather of Yasch's glove.
SADIE
C'mon Yasch, I'm married, not crippled. Pitch to
me!
YASCH
But what about the baby?
SADIE (LAUGHING)
I'm not that pregnant.
SADIE stands sideways to show YASCH her
profile.
See? I'm hardly showing at all.
Pitch to me!
YASCH
Okay, but...
YASCH throws a stronger pitch.
SADIE
Yeah, that's the stuff! Pug won't play with me and his mama just
wants me to sit around and knit booties.
YASCH throws another pitch.
Oh yeah, fire 'em in hard just like you used to.
SADIE fires the ball back.
How about a windmill? Can you still throw a windmill?
YASCH
Well for sure. You think I'm gone dead or something?
SADIE
I couldn't say for sure. Now that you're with Oata engaged you
don't do nothing anymore.
How come you quit the ball team,
anyways?
YASCH
Watch this!
YASCH winds up a powerful underhanded
windmill pitch but interrupts his delivery so
that the ball arcs in a slow sucker ball neatly
into SADIE'S glove.
SADIE
You didn't answer my question!
SADIE throws back the ball hard,
a little high
and wide so YASCH has to jump for it.
YASCH
Sure, I did. Didn't you notice that windmill upshoot drop?
YASCH throws another windmill, hard and
straight this time.
SADIE
That wasn't the question.
SADIE catches the ball and instead
of tossing
it back to YASCH, tosses it up in the air and
catches it in her own glove.
How come you quit the ball team? Oata won't let her little boy play?
YASCH
Oata's got nothing to do with it. Besides it kammers you nothing
if I
play baseball or not.
Baseball is just a game anyways and a farmer--
SADIE
Scared the guys will tease you about engaging yourself with Oata?
Is that how
come you quit the team, Yasch? Scared what the guys
will say?
SADIE tosses the ball back to YASCH.
YASCH tosses the ball up in the air catches
it, tosses it back up again before he replies.
YASCH
Does it bother Pug when the guys tease him about the ten gauge
pump action wedding?
YASCH pitches a hard windmill at SADIE.
SADIE catches it.
SADIE
That's old news, Yasch, that's old news.
SADIE pulls off her catcher's
mitt to shake
her stinging hand.
Did it bother you when the guys teased Pug?
YASCH
Why should it bother me what that Pug Peters does? He can't
even catch a flyball if
you hit it right into his glove. If he had
played baseball instead
of ...
YASCH stops, looks around for the ball.
Hey, throw me the ball back.
SADIE puts her catcher's mitt
back on
and throws the ball.
SADIE
Played baseball instead of what?
YASCH
Forget it. Here comes a curve.
YASCH fires a pitch. SADIE snags
it
with ease.
SADIE
Played baseball instead of what?
YASCH
Forget it.
SADIE
No! I won't forget it. You're talking about my husband!
YASCH
That's right, Mrs. Peters, you have a husband, so how come
you're here playing catch
with me?
SADIE
I told you. Pug is out with Hingst Heinrichs.
YASCH
So what kind of husband goes out with another man?
SADIE
What kind of fiance stays pinned to Oata's apron all the time
so she can't take even
a breath without smelling him?
SADIE fires the ball back at
YASCH.
YASCH
Some men wash themselves.
SADIE
Are you saying my husband stinks?
YASCH
Mrs. Peters, some husbands are smart enough to marry themselves
wives they like to be
with.
YASCH winds up a powerful windmill
pitch but then tries to temper his
delivery causing a wild throw which
misses SADIE and rolls offstage.
SADIE
What's loose with you? Can't control the ball no more?
SADIE CHASES THE BALL OFFSTAGE.
OATA (OFFSTAGE DISTANT) Yasch!
Supper's ready!
YASCH looks over his shoulder.
YASCH
Coming!
The baseball arcs from offstage
and Yasch turns around just in
time to catch the ball.
SADIE REENTERS.
SADIE
Did you say something?
YASCH
Uh, no.
YASCH pitches the ball gently
as
if he was pitching to a little kid.
SADIE catches the ball mechanically
as if thinking about something else.
SADIE
Yasch?
YASCH
Huh?
SADIE
Are you saying that Pug doesn't like to be with me?
YASCH
Well, I didn't really mean...
SADIE
But you think Pug should be with me instead of driving around
with Hingst Heinrichs?
YASCH
Well, for sure if I was...
OATA (OFFSTAGE CLOSER) Yasch!
Supper's ready!
YASCH (CALLS OVER HIS SHOULDER)
Coming!
SADIE
If you were what?
YASCH
Forget it, I have to fill this trough before supper.
YASCH drops the glove, reaches
for the pump handle and begins
pumping.
SADIE
Tell me, if you were what?
SADIE tosses the ball at YASCH.
The ball bounces off YASCH and
drops into the trough. SADIE steps
closer to YASCH.
If you were what?
OATA (OFFSTAGE QUITE NEAR) Yasch!
Supper's getting cold!
YASCH
I have to go now!
SADIE
Tell me!
YASCH
Okay, already! If I was married with you I would want rather
to be with you than with
Hingst Heinrichs! But...
OATA (OFFSTAGE VERY NEAR) Yasch!
Where are you anyways?
SADIE
But what?
YASCH
But that's not the way the ball bounces!
YASCH picks the wet ball out
of the
trough and tosses it to SADIE. SADIE
catches it reflexively.
OATA ENTERS
OATA
Yasch, supper's... oh, I didn't know we had visitors.
YASCH
Yeah, well...
SADIE
I just came to get the baseball back. Pug and me were batting
flies and I knacked
the ball so far Pug made me get it myself.
SADIE holds up the ball.
OATA
How come that ball is so wet?
YASCH/SADIE (TOGETHER) It fell
in the trough!
OATA
Huy yuy yuy! All the way from Peters's place!
SADIE
Well, some people know how to play ball and some don't.
YASCH
Ha!
OATA
You want to come in for some coffee?
SADIE
Nah. I'm going home to make that Pug pitch to me some more.
SADIE picks up YASCH's glove
and hands it to him.
Shouldn't leave this lying around.
It might rain.
YASCH and SADIE linger for
just a moment as YASCH accepts
the glove from SADIE.
SADIE WALKS OFFSTAGE
OATA (CALLING AFTER SADIE) So
long, Sadie. Bring your man along for faspa
some time.
OATA turns to YASCH who is
standing with the baseball glove
staring after SADIE.
Now that you have your glove
back, you and me can play
catch.
OATA backs up to the spot where
SADIE was playing catcher.
YASCH
Sure, only Sadie took the ball along.
OATA
Yasch, Yasch, can you only see things from one side of
your nose?
OATA pulls a baseball out of
her
pocket and tosses it at YASCH.
YASCH
Where did you get this?
OATA
I stole it from your truck when you were hired man for my
father, Nobah Naze.
YASCH
Well then, I guess it's play ball.
YASCH starts to wind up a windmill.
OATA
Uh, no, Yasch, you have the glove!
YASCH stops his wind up and stares
at OATA's bare hands.
Remember in school, Yasch? The
pitcher was the last one on
the field to get a glove.
So I'll pitch to you, Yasch Siemens!
YASCH tosses the ball gently
to
OATA and assumes a back catcher
stance. OATA winds up a windmill
and blisters the ball into YASCH's
waiting glove.
YASCH
Ouch! Where'd you learn to pitch like that?
OATA
What's the matter? You think only skinny Sadie can play
baseball?
YASCH
Well, for sure not, but...
OATA
Throw me the ball back.
YASCH tosses the ball back and
slips his glove back on.
I'll pitch to you, Yasch Siemens!
OATA fires another windmill into
YASCH's glove. YASCH grimaces,
but conscious of OATA's bare hands
tosses the ball back gently.
I need a glove for myself. Then
you could throw the ball
harder.
YASCH
Well, for sure, if we're going to play baseball you should
have a glove.
OATA
And a bat. How can we get married without a baseball bat?
OATA fires another windmill into
YASCH's waiting glove.
BLACKOUT
Copyright (a) Armin Wiebe, 1995 Pitch
to Me, Yasch Siemens was performed at Prairie Theatre Exchange's
Colin Jackson Theatre as part of Manitoba Association of Playwrights'
Short Shot series in March 1995. For performance permission please
contact Armin Wiebe at : e-mail:armwiebe@escape.ca |